Let's talk about forgiveness and mercy. Here is a link to a related sermon: Forgiveness and Being Merciful.
But let's start out by quoting the Apostle Paul:
23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, (Romans 3:23)
So, all humans sin.
God's definition of sin is: "Sin is the transgression of the law" (I John 3:4, KJV). The law of "LOVE," as defined by the Ten Commandments.
Jesus told sinners to "sin no more" (John 5:14; 8:11).
How does a person sin?
James explains that sin is a process. He shows that a person is first tempted of his/her own lust; secondly, enticed; and thirdly, when this lust continues, it ultimately brings forth sin. The ultimate result of sin is death (James 1:13-15). The further a person proceeds in this process, the harder it is to turn around and avoid sinning. The easiest time to prevent sin is to immediately put the original thought out of the mind. But most people will not do that.
In order to put a wrong thought out of your mind, it is good to fill your mind with proper thoughts (Philippians 4:8). What better thoughts are there than those about God and His Word? All human woe, unhappiness, pain and misery have come as a direct result of sin -- the violation of God's spiritual and physical laws. Happiness and a full abundant life are the automatic results of obedience to God's Law.
Realize that other people have their own wants and lusts. You may find it hard to believe, but in many ways those who sin against you are like you. Even if they do not look nor act like you. They have been influenced by Satan the devil just as you have been.
Remember, it is "the Devil and Satan, who deceives the whole world" (Revelation 12:9)--that not only includes your enemies, that also includes you.
So, do Christians sin?
Of course.
Notice what the Apostle John was inspired to write:
8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. 9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 10 If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His word is not in us. (1 John 1:8-10)
So Christians do sin and Christians should acknowledge and confess our sins before God.
So, what are the results of sin?
The Apostle Paul also wrote:
23 For the wages of sin is death, (Romans 6:23a)
Yes, all humans deserve death.
So, it would seem that we are through.
Yet, Paul continued with:
but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 6:23b)
How?
Through Jesus, and forgiveness and mercy are part of the way to attain eternal life.
Sin is transgression against the way of God as defined by God's perfect law. Although the penalty of sin is death, forgiveness is gladly given by God to those who repent and accept Jesus Christ as their Savior and continue in God's way.
We all need to examine ourselves and confess our sins to God.
Guilt triggers repentance which is part of why God allow you to experience it.
Admitting your guilt to God may not be easy. It may mean reliving painful experiences. To avoid the pain, many attempt to justify themselves by thinking that what they did wasn't so bad, that the other person had it coming or that they were a victim of someone else's influence. The excuses go on and on, but the fact remains. You sinned, and you are guilty. Covering it up is just self-deception! Ask God to help you honestly look at yourself (Psalm 19:12). Then admit your guilt — all of it. The pain may be intense, but it is temporarily necessary (Romans 8:18), and the outcome will be joyous if you apply the next steps in this process. Change When you're wrong, you must go beyond admitting it. You must change. Forsake your sin by eliminating it. Many fail here because they do not go beyond admitting their sins.
Guilt tells you that something is wrong -- that something needs to be changed and corrected. It lets you know you need God's forgiveness. Just like a fire alarm, it serves to warn and motivate you to take action that will bring positive results. But do you? Do you put out the fiery flames of sin, or do you let them spread their destructiveness? The human tendency is to avoid taking action (Matthew 7:13-14). What God wants -- what you should want -- is real repentance:
10 For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. 11 For observe this very thing, that you sorrowed in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourselves to be clear in this matter. (2 Corinthians 7:10-11)
Yes, guilt can motivate us to repent. Repentance involves being sorry for what you did -- for the wrong ways you think -- for the wrong ways you act. But more than that, it means striving to change and to live according to God's will, not your own.
We want God to forgive us. We want God's grace, His unmerited pardon. And we are to change:
20 ... But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more, 21 so that as sin reigned in death, even so grace might reign through righteousness to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. (Romans 5:20-21)
1 What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? 2 Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it? ... 11 Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts. (Romans 6:11-12)
God's Word is clear. We must stop sinning when seeking forgiveness. We must also submit yourself to God. God will forgive you for stumbling under weakness or temptation. Conversion is a gradual process — developing the very character of God is a lifelong task. So don't despair when you sin. Simply ask God for forgiveness and more strength, then follow through by being obedient.
Now, what about our role in forgiveness?
Jesus taught that Christians are to pray to God to be forgiven:
12 And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors.
13 And do not lead us into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.
For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.14 "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:12-15, NKJV )
Jesus is teaching that we are to ask God to forgive us, to help us not again go the way towards temptation, and that Christians who wish to be forgiven their sins need to forgive others. He did not add a list of penances to be done.
Forgivness is also good for us.
Forgiveness: Your Health Depends on It ...
Studies have found that the act of forgiveness can reap huge rewards for your health, lowering the risk of heart attack; improving cholesterol levels and sleep; and reducing pain, blood pressure, and levels of anxiety, depression and stress. And research points to an increase in the forgiveness-health connection as you age.
“There is an enormous physical burden to being hurt and disappointed,” says Karen Swartz, M.D., director of the Mood Disorders Adult Consultation Clinic at The Johns Hopkins Hospital. Chronic anger puts you into a fight-or-flight mode, which results in numerous changes in heart rate, blood pressure and immune response. Those changes, then, increase the risk of depression, heart disease and diabetes, among other conditions. Forgiveness, however, calms stress levels, leading to improved health.
Can You Learn to Be More Forgiving?
Forgiveness is not just about saying the words. “It is an active process in which you make a conscious decision to let go of negative feelings whether the person deserves it or not,” Swartz says. As you release the anger, resentment and hostility, you begin to feel empathy, compassion and sometimes even affection for the person who wronged you.
Studies have found that some people are just naturally more forgiving. Consequently, they tend to be more satisfied with their lives and to have less depression, anxiety, stress, anger and hostility. People who hang on to grudges, however, are more likely to experience severe depression and post-traumatic stress disorder, as well as other health conditions. But that doesn’t mean that they can’t train themselves to act in healthier ways. In fact, 62 percent of American adults say they need more forgiveness in their personal lives, according to a survey by the nonprofit Fetzer Institute.
Making Forgiveness Part of Your Life
Forgiveness is a choice, Swartz says. “You are choosing to offer compassion and empathy to the person who wronged you.” The following steps can help you develop a more forgiving attitude—and benefit from better emotional and physical health. ...
Forgive deeply.
Simply forgiving someone because you think you have no other alternative or because you think your religion requires it may be enough to bring some healing. But one study found that people whose forgiveness came in part from understanding that no one is perfect were able to resume a normal relationship with the other person, even if that person never apologized. Those who only forgave in an effort to salvage the relationship wound up with a worse relationship.
Let go of expectations.
An apology may not change your relationship with the other person or elicit an apology from her. If you don’t expect either, you won’t be disappointed.
Decide to forgive.
https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/forgiveness-your-health-depends-on-it#:~:text=As%20you%20release%20the%20anger,Empathize%20with%20the%20other%20person. accessed 03/08/26
Holding on to anger is bad for your health.
Pocket recommended the following:
How to forgive someone who isn’t sorry
March 25, 2022
Part of our series on America’s struggle for forgiveness.
Forgiveness is often viewed as the “happily ever after” ending in a story of wrongdoing or injustice. Someone enacts harm, the typical arc goes, but eventually sees the error of their ways and offers a heartfelt apology. “Can you ever forgive me?” Then you, the hurt person, are faced with a choice: Show them mercy — granting yourself peace in the process — or hold a grudge forever. …
It’s reasonable to expect an apology when you’re the one who has been hurt or betrayed. But that’s not how it works in practice. In fact, therapist Harriet Lerner writes in her book Why Won’t You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts, the worse the offense, the more difficult it can be to get an apology from the person who harmed you. In those instances, Lerner writes, “Their shame leads to denial and self-deception that overrides their ability to orient toward reality.” And beyond this, there are other reasons you might be unable to get the apology you deserve. Maybe the other person isn’t aware of the harm they did to you, or they’ve disappeared, making contact impossible, or they’ve died.
Unfortunately, that puts you in a tough spot. How do you forgive someone who isn’t all that sorry, or who you can’t actually engage with?
To answer this question, Vox spoke to two experts: Robert Enright, a professor of education psychology at the University of Wisconsin Madison and a leader in the scientific study of forgiveness, and Laura Davis, the author of several books about estrangement and reconciliation, … Enright and Davis say that forgiving someone who is unrepentant is absolutely possible; here’s how to approach it.
Expand your view of what forgiveness is
In some ways, it’s easier to define forgiveness by what it isn’t. “Forgiveness is not excusing what the other did; that behavior was wrong, is wrong, and will always be wrong,” Enright says.
Both Enright and Davis say that forgiveness exists separately from reconciliation, and also from accountability — which is why forgiving someone doesn’t require an apology or even their participation. “Reconciliation is a negotiation strategy between two or more people trying to make their way back together to mutual trust,” explains Enright, whereas forgiveness is a one-way endeavor. Put another way: Forgiveness might be a step on the path to reconciliation, but you don’t have to traverse the full route if you’d prefer not to.
Enright also points out that while forgiveness is separate from accountability, it’s not at odds with seeking justice. “Many people think it’s either/or, rather than both,” he says. Forgiving someone can help you take a more clear-eyed approach to justice because you’re no longer, as he put it, “seething with rage.”
Perhaps most importantly, forgiveness doesn’t require you to pretend the hurt didn’t happen, to forgive and forget, or to ever speak to the person again. “When you forgive someone, it doesn’t mean you have to have any kind of ongoing relationship with them,” Davis says. “It’s an internal shift, where you’re no longer carrying the wound in the same way.”
Enright defines forgiveness as a moral virtue. Moral virtues (like kindness, honesty, and patience) are typically focused on how they benefit others; these are things you do primarily for another person’s sake, regardless of whether or not they have “earned” it.
“Forgiveness is a special kind of moral virtue that always and without exception occurs when the other person has been unfair to you,” Enright says. …
“Forgiveness is my safety valve against the kind of toxic anger that could kill me,” Enright says. “Waiting for the apology is to misunderstand your free will, and it’s to misunderstand the medicine that is forgiveness, that you should be able to take freely, whatever you want.” …
Enright says it’s reasonable to want to tend to your anger when someone has hurt you. “You can hang on to anger for a short time because it shows you’re a person of worth and dignity, and no one should treat you this way,” he says. “But then my question would be, if you hang on to that anger, what is it doing to you? Yes, it will empower you for a while. But characteristically over time, it brings us down with fatigue, rumination, becoming far more pessimistic in life.” https://www.vox.com/22967752/how-to-forgive-someone-who-isnt-sorry-wont-apologize
Yes, it is good for us to be merciful and forgiving:
17 The merciful man does good for his own soul,
But he who is cruel troubles his own flesh. (Proverbs 11:17)
In Matthew 18:7, Jesus said “offenses must come” so we should expect to be offended.
As far as forgiving someone who has not repented, Jesus prayed:
29 … “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” (Luke 23:29)
Remember that the Apostle Paul taught we were to imitate Christ (1 Corinthians 11:1).
Our God is most merciful:
8 The Lord is merciful and gracious,
Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy. (Psalm 103:8)
Thinking that another person does not deserve forgiveness does not help you.
You do not deserve forgiveness yourself!
Consider that YOU have been an enemy to God according to the Bible. The Apostle Paul wrote:
6 For when we were still without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. 7 For scarcely for a righteous man will one die; yet perhaps for a good man someone would even dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. 10 For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. 11 And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation. (Romans 5:6-11)
21 And you, who once were alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now He has reconciled 22 in the body of His flesh through death, to present you holy, and blameless, and above reproach in His sight — 23 if indeed you continue in the faith, grounded and steadfast, and are not moved away from the hope of the gospel which you heard, which was preached to every creature under heaven, of which I, Paul, became a minister. (Colossians 1:21-23)
Related to the above and doing good for His enemies, Jesus said:
16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. 17 For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. (John 3:16-17)
God offers us mercy through Jesus. But notice also the following condition according to Jesus:
14 "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. (Matthew 6:14-15)
The Apostle James added:
13 For judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment. (James 2:13)
God is willing to forgive you as an enemy, do good to you, and love you. You are to do likewise.
Jesus taught:
35 But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. 36 Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful. (Luke 6:35-36)
The Apostle Paul wrote:
4 … God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us (Ephesians 2:4)
Notice that love and mercy are tied together. If you want to develop love towards others as the Bible teaches, you need to be merciful.
Jesus also taught:
7 Blessed are the merciful, For they shall obtain mercy. (Matthew 5:7)
Notice that this promise does not teach that the unmerciful will obtain mercy.
But we are to be like God and God forgives (Psalm 103:8).
Mercy mirrors God’s very character. God is truly a forgiving Father. We have to be His merciful and forgiving children.
How long will God's mercy last?
34 Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever. (1 Chronicles 16:34)
41 times the NKJV has the expression, "His mercy endures forever." Shouldn't you, a recipient of that mercy, show mercy to your enemies?
Perhaps it also should also be mentioned that the NKJV Bible has the word mercy 282 times, mercies 38 times, merciful 39 times, forgive 53 times, forgivers twice, forgiving 4 times, and forgiveness 8 times. So a total of 426 times. Mercy and forgiveness are important to God and He wants you to know that, which is why His word teaches about them.
The late Evangelist Dibar Apartian wrote:
God is merciful
One of the most comforting truths, for us all, is the fact that God is very, very merciful. He does not treat us the way we treat one another.
To be a Christian is to be Christ-like, to learn more and more to think and act like Him — to prove ourselves compassionate, merciful, loving, just as He is toward us. If you are truly Christian, you must be willing to take the first step to make peace between your neighbor and you, even if he is the one at fault. Christ said: "Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone..." (Matthew 18:15).
Notice again! Christ clearly indicates that the one who must take the first step is not necessarily the one who has sinned! A true Christian neither harbors bitterness, nor does he act from a spirit of pride or superiority. He doesn't wait for others to first do their part. He seeks reconciliation in order to live at peace with everyone.
When Peter asked Christ how often we should forgive one another, he was told "until seventy times seven" — that is, always. After saying this, Christ gave a parable showing how we human beings are sometimes cruel, merciless, wanting to exact what is due us. He compared the Kingdom of heaven to a king who called his servants to account. One of them owed him a large sum of money, but was unable to repay it. How did the master react when his servant bowed down before him, begging for more time? "Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt" (Matthew 18:23-27).
Is this the way you would have acted? But the parable doesn't end at this point. The servant, in turn, was a creditor. Someone owed him some money, very little, hardly more than a few pennies. How did he treat his debtor? Did he also show mercy? Did he have as much compassion for his debtor as his master had for him? You know the answer. "...he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. And his fellow-servant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all. And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt" (verses 28-30).
Naturally, when his master found out what had taken place, he punished the selfish and merciless servant and required full payment of his debts. And Christ added: "So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not everyone his brother their trespasses" (verse 35).
Jesus Christ never sinned. He never hurt anyone. Quite the contrary. He always pardoned those who offended Him. As Peter writes, "... when he [Christ] suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously" (I Peter 2:23). When His persecutors mocked and ridiculed Him, when they tortured and crucified Him, He prayed for them, saying: "... Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do... ". (Luke 23:34).
If He — your Lord and Master — could forgive others without ever having been guilty of anything, how much more you, a sinner, need to forgive your fellowmen!
The Spirit in Christ — the Spirit of LOVE, compassion and mercy — was also in Stephen, the first Christian martyr, who cried out while his persecutors were stoning him to death: "... Lord, lay not this sin to their charge... " (Acts 7:60).
Can you think and act like him? You should if God's Spirit is in you! (Apartian D. Forgive Us Our Debts. Good News, April 1979)
Jesus expects us to forgive. Notice the following:
1 Then He said to the disciples, "It is impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they do come! 2 It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were thrown into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones. 3 Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. 4 And if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times in a day returns to you, saying, 'I repent,' you shall forgive him."
5 And the apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith." (Luke 17:1-5)
So, yes, it can take faith to be willing to forgive.
Yet, our Saviour, Jesus, said that we are to forgive.
Bitterness
Unforgiving people become bitter. Bitterness also causes health problems as well as spiritual ones.
Consider that the Apostle Peter told Simon Magus:
22 Repent therefore of this your wickedness, and pray God if perhaps the thought of your heart may be forgiven you. 23 For I see that you are poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity." (Acts 8:22-23)
We, too, need to repent of various thoughts of our heart. As Christians we are to be "bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5)--and that includes bad thoughts about enemies.
What if your enemies are overwhelming you? The Psalmist King David said to pray to God:
1 I will love You, O Lord, my strength. 2 The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. 3 I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised; So shall I be saved from my enemies. (Psalm 18:1-3)
14 But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord; I say, “You are my God.” 15 My times are in Your hand; Deliver me from the hand of my enemies, And from those who persecute me. 16 Make Your face shine upon Your servant; Save me for Your mercies’ sake. (Psalm 33:14-16)
Yes, you can, and often should, pray to God for help. You can also ask God on how to best love your enemies--including forgiving them.
The Apostle Paul wrote:
14 Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: 15 looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled; (Hebrews 12:14-15)
Pursue peace with all includes those who have offended you. Notice that if you want to "see the Lord," pursuing peace is something you must strive to do. We do not want to "fall short of the grace of God" and having "any root of bitterness springing up."
Furthermore, consider that having any root of bitterness is consistent with a little leaven which can leaven the whole lump.
Do not tolerate hating your neighbor. We must all strive to love our neighbors, do good, and not harbor hate towards them.
Do not think you cannot be overcome by the root of bitterness.
Dexter Faulkner, who I met a time or two, wrote
In his letter to the Ephesians. Paul deals with the "gut" issues of unity, theft, lying, malice and to put off the old man and put on the new man (Ephesians 4:22-24).
Then as the fourth chapter of Ephesians closes. Paul zeroes in on the thorny problem of bitterness.
Bitterness destroys friend ships and the fellowship in God's Church. The theme of Ephesians is the unity of believers in fellowship in the Body of Christ.
Bitterness will destroy this unity. How?
A bitter person can't keep his or her bitterness to himself or herself. Misery loves company. He finds sadistic pleasure in telling everyone who will listen how he has been mistreated.
The result is (if allowed to persist) his or her bitterness will spread through the Church like a malignancy.
Paul, writing in Hebrews, sheds practical light on the subject when he says we are to follow after peace with all men (even those who have wronged us): "Pursue peace with all men, and holiness, without which no one will see the Lord: looking diligently lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness spring up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled" (Hebrews 12:14, 15. Revised Authorized Version throughout).
Are you "burned up" with someone right now? Have you let your anger grow in to a grudge or bitterness? If you have, here are three essential steps to help break the bondage of bitterness.
• First of all we must recognize it for what it is — a sin! We are commanded to get rid of bitterness.
The apostle Paul says, "Let all bitterness. wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice" (Ephesians 4:31). This command deals with a number of related disposition problems.
Bitterness here does not mean just anger or wrath, but refers to a malignant disposition, a long-standing resentment, or a spirit that refuses to be reconciled. We normally think of it as holding a grudge.
Wrath, on the other hand, refers to the impulsive outburst — as when a person blows his top. This type of wrath or anger can lead to bitterness.
We have seen it happen in sports. I once watched a football player jump up, throw his helmet on the ground and storm back to the huddle after the referees made what he considered a bad call.
The commentator observed the player's anger and wondered if he would seek revenge. Sure enough, the angry player tried to get revenge the next play. His anger gave way to bitterness.
The vehicle for expressing most bitterness is the tongue. A bitter person is frequently involved in what the apostle Paul calls clamor (Ephesians 4:31) or loud talking. Most of us have noticed that loud talking or arguing almost always accompanies anger.
Another way we express bitterness with the tongue is through what Paul called evil speaking. It also means failing to tell the whole truth.
Have you ever stretched the truth when recounting how someone wronged you? If you have, you are guilty of expressing bitterness through slander.
We are commanded in God's Word to get rid of problems that come from an evil, harmful disposition. Paul says, "Let all... be put away from you, with all malice." We are to make a clean sweep of the bitterness that cause sour dispositions to go sour.
Therefore, first, if we hope to deal with bitterness, we must begin recognizing bitterness for what it is — sin; and then deal with it as we would any other sin-confess it and go to God for help (I John 1:9). Please read the whole chapter.
• Try to keep from hurting others. Paul says. "And be kind one to another, tenderhearted" (Ephesians 4:32). This is a direct command to display human kindness to other people. Kind here means "pleasant or gracious."
Greet people with a smile. A lot could be said about this simple gesture. A smile goes a long way toward removing seeds that would produce bitterness.
We are to be tenderhearted and compassionate. In practice we find it's easier to be compulsive than compassionate. Think of the damage or hurt our unkind actions do in the life of someone else.
Showing kindness and compassion means to accept people just as they are (not as we want them to be) and to overlook personal hurts or wrongs suffered at the hands of others.
It has been said the most flammable material in the world is a chip on the shoulder. Our conduct with others should be based on compassion for them in their needs. This again is the real spirit of giving.
We have a responsibility in removing bitterness in others. In His Sermon on the Mount. Christ made it clear it is up to us to take the first step in restoring those who hold a grudge.
"Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift" (Matthew 5:23, 24).
Christ does not discuss who is to blame, nor whether the brother has a right to be angry with you. The right or wrong of his or her bitterness is not the issue.
If your brother has something against you, you have the responsibility to take the initiative in restoring the brother and affecting a reconciliation. Failure to do so will hinder your worship.
It's impossible to worship God while you know a brother is holding a grudge against you.
In practicing human kindness don't be concerned about who is right or wrong. The real issue is reconciliation and restoration between two people in order to prevent the fruits of bitterness.
You might say. "That is a hard thing to do." I agree! But this is where real Christian character is developed.
Paul exhorts us in Colossians 3:12: "Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering: bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone have a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do."
• Practice human forgiveness daily. That's what Paul meant when he said, "for giving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32).
We are to display human kindness toward those who are upset with us whether or not we have done anything to them. Forgiveness, on the other hand, is to be practiced with those who have hurt us.
The word forgive in Greek is a participle picturing continuous action. It means to forgive freely: not holding back or forgiving grudgingly. Think of it!
We are to practice forgiving everything others have done against us, whether they seek our forgiveness or not. We are to seek their forgiveness when we offend them and then go ahead and forgive others who offend us. That's not the way the world looks at it!
If practiced it solves lots of human problems. As Christians we have the responsibility to be kind to others as well as forgive them, and in so doing, we will bid farewell to bitterness.
When others offend us, we are to practice forgiveness freely because without a forgiving spirit, we will never be able to pry loose from the grip of bitterness. (Faulkner D. Just one more thing: Practice love, forgiveness to overcome bitterness. Worldwide News. November 29, 1982)
One concern many have is that it looks like those with bad behaviour are "getting away with it."
Yet, the Bible clearly teaches:
7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. 8 For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. 9 And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. (Galatians 6:7-10)
While it may seem that your adversaries are getting away with their bad behaviour, they are not.
Furthermore, they will be judged:
17 For the time has come for judgment to begin at the house of God; and if it begins with us first, what will be the end of those who do not obey the gospel of God? 18 Now
"If the righteous one is scarcely saved,
Where will the ungodly and the sinner appear?"19 Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good, as to a faithful Creator. (1 Peter 4:17-19)
So, while true Christians are under judgment now, others will be later. Consider also:
11 Because the sentence against an evil work is not executed speedily, therefore the heart of the sons of men is fully set in them to do evil. 12 Though a sinner does evil a hundred times, and his days are prolonged, yet I surely know that it will be well with those who fear God, who fear before Him. 13 But it will not be well with the wicked; nor will he prolong his days, which are as a shadow, because he does not fear before God.
14 There is a vanity which occurs on earth, that there are just men to whom it happens according to the work of the wicked; again, there are wicked men to whom it happens according to the work of the righteous. I said that this also is vanity. (Ecclesiastes 8:11-14)
Yes, it sometimes seems like the wicked are getting away with their ways, but, "I surely know that it will be well with those who fear God."
Now, let me add that there is a particular man who left us and writes and posts bad things about me, others in the CCOG, and against the CCOG itself. He has essentially declared and marked himself an enemy of the CCOG. Yet, months after he began to do such, he contacted me asking for help on a matter. And I did help him--as did someone else in the CCOG that he has repeatedly spoken against.
Remember, Jesus taught:
44 But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; (Matthew 5:44-45)
Now, did this man stop his bad ways against me and others? No. But one day I believe God will bring this to his remembrance, either in this age (if he ever was truly a Christian) or in the age to come (particularly if he is not really a Christian now). God will also do this to those you pray for and do good for as well.
Consider that:
28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)
Yes, this includes how you have been impacted by your enemies as well as if you will handle matters as God wants you to.
The Apostle Paul was inspired to write:
1 Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, 2 fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. 3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. (Philippians 2:1-4)
Do you know that some you do not care for could be your boss in the Kingdom of God?
30 But many who are first will be last, and the last first. (Matthew 19:30)
26 And they were greatly astonished, saying among themselves, "Who then can be saved?"
27 But Jesus looked at them and said, "With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible."
28 Then Peter began to say to Him, "See, we have left all and followed You."
29 So Jesus answered and said, "Assuredly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My sake and the gospel's, 30 who shall not receive a hundredfold now in this time — houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions — and in the age to come, eternal life. 31 But many who are first will be last, and the last first." (Mark 10:26-31)
23 And He said to them, 24 "Strive to enter through the narrow gate, for many, I say to you, will seek to enter and will not be able. 25 When once the Master of the house has risen up and shut the door, and you begin to stand outside and knock at the door, saying, 'Lord, Lord, open for us,' and He will answer and say to you, 'I do not know you, where you are from,' 26 then you will begin to say, 'We ate and drank in Your presence, and You taught in our streets.' 27 But He will say, 'I tell you I do not know you, where you are from. Depart from Me, all you workers of iniquity.' 28 There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when you see Abraham and Isaac and Jacob and all the prophets in the kingdom of God, and yourselves thrust out. 29 They will come from the east and the west, from the north and the south, and sit down in the kingdom of God. 30 And indeed there are last who will be first, and there are first who will be last." (Luke 13:23-30)
Those who are called now could end up being last if they do not love their enemies as they should.
Do not think that you have been called now because you are better than others. Some who you have not cared for may well end up being ahead of you in the age to come.
Notice something else that the Apostle Paul was inspired to write:
19 For it is written:
"I will destroy the wisdom of the wise,
And bring to nothing the understanding of the prudent."20 Where is the wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the disputer of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of this world? 21 For since, in the wisdom of God, the world through wisdom did not know God, it pleased God through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe. 22 For Jews request a sign, and Greeks seek after wisdom; 23 but we preach Christ crucified, to the Jews a stumbling block and to the Greeks foolishness, 24 but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25 Because the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.
26 For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. 27 But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty; 28 and the base things of the world and the things which are despised God has chosen, and the things which are not, to bring to nothing the things that are, 29 that no flesh should glory in His presence. 30 But of Him you are in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God — and righteousness and sanctification and redemption — 31 that, as it is written, "He who glories, let him glory in the Lord." (1 Corinthians 1:19-31)
Consider that being called now does not indicate superiority.
We were God's enemies when we were called.
We were not called now because we are better than the other enemies of God, but because God knew we could succeed.
And yes, if you do things God's way, you will spiritually succeed:
6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ (Philippians 1:6)
Do not give up.
You may think loving your enemies is impossible, but with God's help it is not. Consider that the Apostle Paul wrote:
13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)
Do you think that is just for the Apostle Paul?
No, it includes you as Jesus said about things that appear impossible:
27 "With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible." (Mark 10:27)
Yes, you can forgive and love your enemies.
It may not seem fair that we have such difficulties.
Sometimes we will be cheated:
7 Now therefore, it is already an utter failure for you that you go to law against one another. Why do you not rather accept wrong? Why do you not rather let yourselves be cheated? (1 Corinthians 6:7)
David wrote:
4 Those who hate me without a cause
Are more than the hairs of my head;
They are mighty who would destroy me,
Being my enemies wrongfully;
Though I have stolen nothing,
I still must restore it. (Psalm 69:4)
The prophet Jeremiah wrote:
52 My enemies without cause
Hunted me down like a bird.
53 They silenced my life in the pit
And threw stones at me. (Lamentations 3:52-53)
Jesus said:
23 ... 'They hated Me without a cause.' (John 15:23)
David, the prophets, and Jesus were hated without a cause. This will happen to true Christians as well as Jesus taught:
11 Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. 12 Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Matthew 5:11-12)
Though some of this is difficult, please understand that God is fairer than we deserve:
13 You our God have punished us less than our iniquities deserve, and have given us such deliverance as this (Ezra 9:13)
6 ... Know therefore that God exacts from you Less than your iniquity deserves. (Job 11:6)
Yes, you are being punished less than you deserve, so why do you worry about the punishment of others? As the Apostle Paul wrote:
4 Who are you to judge another's servant? (Romans 14:4)
You may think you are perfectly qualified to make that judgment, but you are likely to be wrong.
Notice that God says that though some disagree, that His ways are fair:
25 “Yet you say, ‘The way of the Lord is not fair.’ Hear now, O house of Israel, is it not My way which is fair, and your ways which are not fair? 26 When a righteous man turns away from his righteousness, commits iniquity, and dies in it, it is because of the iniquity which he has done that he dies. 27 Again, when a wicked man turns away from the wickedness which he committed, and does what is lawful and right, he preserves himself alive. 28 Because he considers and turns away from all the transgressions which he committed, he shall surely live; he shall not die. 29 Yet the house of Israel says, ‘The way of the Lord is not fair.’ O house of Israel, is it not My ways which are fair, and your ways which are not fair?
30 “Therefore I will judge you, O house of Israel, every one according to his ways,” says the Lord GOD. “Repent, and turn from all your transgressions, so that iniquity will not be your ruin. 31 Cast away from you all the transgressions which you have committed, and get yourselves a new heart and a new spirit. For why should you die, O house of Israel? 32 For I have no pleasure in the death of one who dies,” says the Lord GOD. “Therefore turn and live! (Ezekiel 18:25-32)
Jesus stated:
1 Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. 3 And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. (Matthew 7:1-5)
If you hate your enemy and will not love your enemy, you are judging at least something wrong.
Notice that Jesus pointed out that many people think they see minor problems with others, while they overlook major problems that they have.
Notice something else that Jesus said:
8 ‘These people draw near to Me with their mouth,
And honor Me with their lips,
But their heart is far from Me. (Matthew 15:8)
God's heart loves His enemies--He understands that they are fallible. We need to realize that all are fallible, subject to Satan, false traditions, bad habits, and the pulls of the flesh, but that God can help change them too--perhaps in this age, and, for most, more directly in the age to come.
You, however, do not need to wait until the age to come. Jesus taught:
31... “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. 32 And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” (John 8:31-32)
Those who know the truth should know better--hopefully you are among them.
Furthermore, consider that you may have some of the negative traits that your enemies have. Consider also that various circumstances could have changed you. If God had not called you, maybe you would have gotten addicted to drugs or became an alcoholic. Or maybe if you lost a job or a loved one or were attacked in certain ways, or others things, you could have the same traits that your enemies have. There is an old expression in English which is "there for the grace of God goes me," meaning that since you are human it is possible that you could have become like those you may hate.
Remember that we are all human beings subject to lusts and failures.
Also understand he fact is that God knows more than we do:
7 "Can you search out the deep things of God?
Can you find out the limits of the Almighty?
8 They are higher than heaven — what can you do?
Deeper than Sheol — what can you know? (Job 11:7-8)6 Seek the Lord while He may be found,
Call upon Him while He is near.
7 Let the wicked forsake his way,
And the unrighteous man his thoughts;
Let him return to the Lord,
And He will have mercy on him;
And to our God,
For He will abundantly pardon.8 "For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways," says the Lord.
9 "For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:6-9)
Yet, notice also:
25 Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right? (Genesis 18:25)
But how can it be right when people murder, steal, commit adultery, lie about us, etc.?
Well, God, better than any human, knows how one's genetics and one's environment have affected each person. Psychologists have long debated how what they call nature vs. nurture on one's actions. But God knows that--and that it is probably different for every person.
God also knows how much Satan and his demons have affected individuals as well.
Remember, even for those who killed Him, Jesus prayed saying, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34).
Now, you may think that obviously they knew what they were doing, but Jesus knew that they were blinded by Satan and other factors and God allowed that:
40 “He has blinded their eyes and hardened their hearts, Lest they should see with their eyes, Lest they should understand with their hearts and turn, So that I should heal them.” (John 12:40)
3 But even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing, 4 whose minds the god of this age has blinded, who do not believe, lest the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine on them. (2 Corinthians 4:3-4)
There is a certain blindness on people in the world and God understands that better than any of us.
And speaking of blindness, consider the following:
9 He who says he is in the light, and hates his brother, is in darkness until now. 10 He who loves his brother abides in the light, and there is no cause for stumbling in him. 11 But he who hates his brother is in darkness and walks in darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes. (1 John 2:9-11)
Yes, you are to love and not hate your brother--that includes your enemies. Don't let hate blind you!
While many things may not appear fair to us, God's ways are right:
9 Who is wise? Let him understand these things. Who is prudent? Let him know them. For the ways of the LORD are right; The righteous walk in them, But transgressors stumble in them. (Hosea 14:9)
Believe God and that His ways truly are right.
There is a Cost to Sin
Now, just because you can be forgiven and should forgive others, understand that there is a high cost to sin.
Although God forgave King David for it, he had problems the rest of his days because of his sins.
10 Now therefore, the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised Me, and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.' 11 Thus says the Lord: 'Behold, I will raise up adversity against you from your own house; and I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this sun. 12 For you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel, before the sun.'"
13 So David said to Nathan, "I have sinned against the Lord."
And Nathan said to David, "The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die. 14 However, because by this deed you have given great occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme, the child also who is born to you shall surely die." (2 Samuel 12:10-14)
There is always a cost to sin.
Sometimes I have heard from people that believe that they cannot be forgiven.
They believe their sins were too terrible and/or to delibrate to be forgiven.
While ranking which sins are worse than others is not the intent of this article, consider that murder and betrayal are considered to be serious sins.
And that is exactly what Saul did.
In 1 Timothy 1:13, notice what the Apostle Paul wrote:
13 although I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and an insolent man; but I obtained mercy because I did it ignorantly in unbelief.
Paul said he attained mercy because he persecuted Christians ignorantly. And he was to learn from that (cf. Acts 9:16).
There are probably lessons you need to learn from your sins as well.
And Paul also suffered:
23 ... I speak as a fool -- I am more: in labors more abundant, in stripes above measure, in prisons more frequently, in deaths often. 24 From the Jews five times I received forty stripes minus one. 25 Three times I was beaten with rods; once I was stoned; three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I have been in the deep; 26 in journeys often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils of my own countrymen, in perils of the Gentiles, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; 27 in weariness and toil, in sleeplessness often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness — 28 besides the other things, what comes upon me daily: my deep concern for all the churches. (2 Corinthians 11:23-28)
We all have things to learn, and sometimes are lessons relate to how we sinned. Paul also wrote:
7 Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. 8 For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. 9 And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. 10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith. (Galatians 6:7-10)
Forgiveness is a way to do good to all, especially those of the household of faith.
Remember that from a biblical perspective, understand that if you are willing to confess and repent of your sins, they can and will be forgiven.
Jesus taught there was a cost to sin.
In the parable of the prodigal son found in Luke 15, God the Father is pictured as receiving back a repentant son. (I Tim. 2:9-10 - Christian women should not wear jewelry. Difficult Scriptures. Worldwide Church of God)
Does this parable have applicability today?
Let's look at the parable of the prodigal son:
11 Then He said: "A certain man had two sons. 12 And the younger of them said to his father, 'Father, give me the portion of goods that falls to me.' So he divided to them his livelihood. 13 And not many days after, the younger son gathered all together, journeyed to a far country, and there wasted his possessions with prodigal living. 14 But when he had spent all, there arose a severe famine in that land, and he began to be in want. 15 Then he went and joined himself to a citizen of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed swine. 16 And he would gladly have filled his stomach with the pods that the swine ate, and no one gave him anything.
17 "But when he came to himself, he said, 'How many of my father's hired servants have bread enough and to spare, and I perish with hunger! 18 I will arise and go to my father, and will say to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you, 19 and I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Make me like one of your hired servants."'
20 "And he arose and came to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him. 21 And the son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight, and am no longer worthy to be called your son.'
22 "But the father said to his servants, 'Bring out the best robe and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. 23 And bring the fatted calf here and kill it, and let us eat and be merry; 24 for this my son was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' And they began to be merry.
25 "Now his older son was in the field. And as he came and drew near to the house, he heard music and dancing. 26 So he called one of the servants and asked what these things meant. 27 And he said to him, 'Your brother has come, and because he has received him safe and sound, your father has killed the fatted calf.'
28 "But he was angry and would not go in. Therefore his father came out and pleaded with him. 29 So he answered and said to his father, 'Lo, these many years I have been serving you; I never transgressed your commandment at any time; and yet you never gave me a young goat, that I might make merry with my friends. 30 But as soon as this son of yours came, who has devoured your livelihood with harlots, you killed the fatted calf for him.' (Luke 15:11-30)
The story of the prodigal son shows that many types of sins will be forgiven. He was foolish, wasteful, lustful, etc., yet forgiven upon repentance. Most look at this parable and see that someone who was a major sinner gets forgiven. And that is what most people remember about this parable. But notice the next two verses relating to the other son:
31 "And he said to him, 'Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours. 32 It was right that we should make merry and be glad, for your brother was dead and is alive again, and was lost and is found.'" (Luke 15:31-32)
There are a couple of points to mention about the above. Notice that all the Father had, the faithful son now has. The faithful son would be wealthy. Period. Notice also that all should be glad when someone returns back to the family of Christians.
Yet, also notice that the prodigal son did not get wealth back. He only got a job and he got to be in the household. He had not been "growing in grace and knowledge" as he should have (cf. 2 Peter 3:18), and that prevented him from moving forward as he should have. He did not develop the type of character he should have (see also Building Character: Going on to Perfection and/or watch a related video sermon is available: Going on to perfection and building character). Spiritually, he will have to try harder to attain what he likely already would have.
On the physical side, it is possible that the prodigal son got one or more diseases to plague him the rest of his life. And, he tarnished his reputation and this is not something he would ever be able to completely erase.
There is a cost to sin, but upon repentance sins can be forgiven.
Forgiveness is good for your physical, mental, and spiritual health.
Yes, the faithful will suffer and be hated even when we are doing right. Simply understand that is part of our training in this age.
We need to love our neighbors.
Bitterness is not good, yet forgiveness is as the Apostle Paul wrote:
31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31-32)
Jesus taught:
25 "And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. 26 But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses. (Mark 11:25-26)
7 Blessed are the merciful, For they shall obtain mercy. (Matthew 5:7)
"Go and do likewise." (Luke 10:25-37)
Go and do likewise. Forgive and be merciful.
Here is a link to a related sermon: Forgiveness and Being Merciful.
Thiel B. Forgiveness and Mercy. https://www.cogwriter.com/forgiveness.htm COGwriter (c) 2026